Athazagoraphobia
by TheJadedRebellion
Summary: 'You can not stop being afraid just by pretending what you fear isn't there...' Jade One-shot Little bit of Cade Jat CatXJade AN; Listen to Possibility by Lykke Li, helps give the story mood


**AN; Try reading this while listening to Possibility by Lykke Li...It helps give an insight to the story...**

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><p>I could say positively for the first time in my life, I was <em>afraid<em>.

As I just sat here, relapsing in my own self-destruction while I waited. Waited for what I thought was left of my sanity, to slowly reassemble itself back together. I find it quite amusing actually, how they _used _to speak great of me. How I'd have everything I ever desired, simply handed to me.

I don't know really when the _fear_ began. It just sort of happened, stealthily deteriorating me piece by piece. After it was brought forth I remember looking at a mirror, peering at was my reflection. I no longer knew who I was. My skin looked leathery as if I hadn't bathed in weeks, my hair was flimsy and no longer two-toned. My extensions had faded a week prior. My eyes, they were what really frightened me.. All my life I was told I had beautiful eyes, how they spoke for me when words couldn't. They were gone. My eyes looked hollow, they looked as if I was _dead.._

That was when I accepted I had no longer had self control over myself, I had subconsciously already given in. They said only I was able to make _this,_ go away. Only I could decide when to get better. It really took everything in me not leap over his desk to strangle the man. I didn't choose for this to happen! If I could just close my eyes and magically whisk my problem away I would of already done it! To be honest, I didn't generalize I _had_ a problem. To be _extremely _honest if I did, I probably wouldn't of sought help..

_Athazagoraphobia, _the fear of being forgotten or being ignored. I know it seems apathetically stupid, I wouldn't have to be so timorous over someone forgetting me since it's highly unlikely. Well typically I wouldn't have to worry, untill it started to happen..

The day Vega became known, was the day I lost my _audience. _They no longer watched in anticipation, waiting on my command. I was no longer the infamous apple of their eyes. Jealously grew deep in me, resonating.

That was untill I noticed another set of eyes that _watched_. Cat had always been there when I needed her and the same vice versa, but it was different the way those brown eyes peaked in interest when she looked. I had begun to notice my red-headed best friend in a different light, I had begun to watch her too. It never dawned me how perplex she actually was, how complex her emotions could be. She seemed to be living on a universal high that could easily be disintegrated with carelessly chosen words. I think that's what I enjoyed the most about Cat, how I could easily break her then just as easily convince her she was alright. But I didn't want to break her, maybe in fact nurture her. I remember the first time we kissed, it was like every thing finally seemed clear, like every once of my being was on fire.

That was when I really grew the problem..

Everywhere I went, everything I did, the little red head was on my mind. I dismissed it as new found love, that it was normal to be this infatuated with someone. I would be fine, it was harmless..

I wanted every waking moment to be with her, and Cat who couldn't be more ecstatic about our _true _love, was fine with it. It became a want that became a desire, then a _need._ There was times when I had questioned my love for Cat. Was it real or was I just wallowing in my new found attention? What ever it was I stuck with it, it was my only safe option..

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><p><em>''..Jadey, we should go to the party. It'll be fun!'' Rolling my eyes I looked down towards my girlfriend who was currently batting her eye lashes in hopes of convincing me. ''Cat, your and mine definition of fun are completely different, And I'm definitely no way in he-'' I stopped, knowing how much she hated it when I cursed. ''-Heck, am I going to Vega's party.'' I had to stop myself from laughing at the way she pouted. It was endearing.<em>

_''But Jadeeey! I really, really really wanna go!'' Sticking out her lower lip dramatically far, Cat grabbed a hold of my hand raising it to lay on her cheek. ''..Pleaseee, Jadey baby?'' I took a moment to study her, my eyes trailing down to her out jutted lip. Was I really going to say no to that?_

_Sighing I wordlessly nodded. What the hell, right? Instantly perking up she continuously placed light kisses all around my face. I managed to catch one and swiftly, I ran my tongue over her bottom lip,reeling her farther into me. Before things could heat up she pulled back,resting her forehead in the crook of my shoulder and neck._

_She let out a cool breath of air''..I love you Jade.''My chest felt like it was going to burst, it always does when she tells me she loves me._

_Kissing the top of her head I replied with complete sincerity, '' ..I love you too, Kitty''._

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><p>We had gone to Vega's party later that night but it was weird, Cat had become distant almost dazed. I didn't think too much about it, I should have. I remember the exact look on Cat's face when she pulled me aside. It was somber looking, like she felt hopeless. She broke up with me..<p>

I have never felt so confused and angry at the same time. It was ridiculous, I think I was a little more upset about the fact it was so cliché the way she broke up with me. Well that and because I love her but that's besides the point, she could have been a little more original. What can I say, I'm complex.

What pained me the most, was the way she acted as if I never existed. Excuse me if I'm wrong but didn't you say you loved me?! I swear I was really going insane, literally...

I never did find out why she left me. A lot of the times I thought it was maybe because I wasn't good enough, and when I really felt low, I would think it was because she secretly was cheating on me with Vega. It kind of does make sense, hence the fact she so badly wanted to go to her party..

Slowly only darkness was what consumed me, filling me with angst and paranoia. It was my mother who saw the changes in me, I rarely left my room, finding comfort in the velvety red colour of my walls. In a sick and deranged way, they made me feel like it was Cat who was still protecting and harboring me from the danger that was the world..

Maybe I can change this fear, maybe this was what made Cat doubt our relationship. I let the dark I once found pleasure in, confined and enable fear in me.

I let my _Athazagoraphobia _consume me...

**AN; Review Favorite and Pm if you guys enjoyed this story..**

_Stay Rad_


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